he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
