Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
