And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
too bad you live with your parents still
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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