I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
