I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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