I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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