so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
