he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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