is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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