i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
