dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
