I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
