im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
