What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
