I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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