Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
