Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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