She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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