so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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