let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
