I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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