Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
