gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
