you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
