I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
