remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
