carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
