Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
