my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
