Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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