Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
