So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
