my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
