hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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