Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
