I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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