i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Fuck appropriateness.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
