I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
