Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
MIDGETS
????
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
