I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
