Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
