It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just forgot I was standing up.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
