ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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