You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
