My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
