five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
