So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
