babies were throwing up all over the place
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
