someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize