I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize