I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
