Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you had me at cake vodka
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
