He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hippo gnu deer
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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