And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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