soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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