grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize