At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
