What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
