good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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