Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
