No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
