I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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