Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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