you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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