You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
