oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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