so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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