im six kinds of drunk right now
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
