the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
