We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
