I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
