My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
