Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
not ubering you a puppy
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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