you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
