so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
