Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
