Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
