Do you still have your period?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
