Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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