i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
