So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize