Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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