someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
