he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize