i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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