My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
