On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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