Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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