There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
