Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
