I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
