Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
handjob tips. give me some.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
