i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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