his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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