And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
