im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
