Too much gin, very little bucket
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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