I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
