guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
