I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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