She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
