I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
