Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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