Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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