it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
