I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
