I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
