You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
