"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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