My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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