I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
