I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
