that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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