My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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